


Words Ain't Good Enough

by zouisweak



Series: Zouis Week [7]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, also sorry bc this is a day late i wasnt happy with it yesterday and im still not but oh well, idk just read it its like two sentences long, it sounds angsty but its not, its also not a future fic which i think it kinda sounds like?, ryan gosling does not actually appear i'm sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-20
Updated: 2015-09-20
Packaged: 2018-04-22 14:13:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4838225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zouisweak/pseuds/zouisweak
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zouis week, day 7/7: Famous Quote: Louis struggles with articulating his feelings. Ryan Gosling saves the day.</p><p>
  <em>“Why didn't you write me? Why? It wasn't over for me, I waited for you for seven years. But now it's too late.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I wrote you 365 letters. I wrote you every day for a year.”</em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Words Ain't Good Enough

Louis is good with his words, but one thing he’s always found hard to talk about was when he realised he was in love with Zayn.

Because “realised”- it’s not the best word, he doesn’t think. It wasn’t some sudden thing, some eureka moment.

It’s embarrassing, but he thinks he might’ve always known. Even before him and Zayn were properly close his thoughts weren’t exactly… platonic. It wasn’t love, not quite yet, but “wow I wonder how nice it’d be to hold hands with this pretty boy”- it’s not Louis’ normal first thought when he meets someone new.

But he pushed it aside because it’s _Zayn._ Zayn is like, literally a phenomenon- no one else has every part of them be perfect. He’s genuinely flawless, without-a-flaw, a freak of nature- and Louis means that in the most loving way possible- so of course Louis’ thoughts might be a bit on the… infatuated side.

Four years on, and it’s only gotten worse. Which, he will admit, he did not predict. He expected himself to get used to it, to Zayn’s beauty, but if anything, the years have just given him time to familiarize himself with it, noticing details and quirks he hadn’t picked up on before- and, essentially, digging himself deeper into that hole.

Because it isn’t like those random picture-perfect models he meets at award shows, not anymore, where he’s slightly bowled over by their aesthetic near-perfection. It’s worse than that, because now- now it’s his _best friend._ His best friend who shares clothes as much as he steals them, and is the only shoulder Louis’ ever needed to cry on, and the one guaranteed to go along with all of Louis’ rash plots, who thinks and talks and just _is_ like no one else.  

But he’s always had excuses, and when one lost its substance, he could run to another. At first it was “ _well he’s beautiful, I don’t even know him_ , _it’ll go away once we get closer_ ,” and then it was, _“well I’ve just figured out my sexuality, it makes sense if I’m curious,_ ” which led to _, “we spend every breathing moment together, packed in like a tin of sardines, my brain’s just confused,”_ and then _, “he’s attractive and I trust him. Just because I wanna fuck him doesn’t mean I’ve got feelings for him,”_ before, finally, landing on “ _oh- shit_.”

That’s where the real problem began. When the denial dried out, and the overwhelming truth that Louis had pretty successfully dodged for the past number of years returned with a vengeance- Louis didn’t know what to do.

There was no way to put into words, not adequately. They’ve already said I love you, and they’ve called each other hot and pretty and beautiful, and they’ve talked about not needing anyone else, and they’ve said everything really, and shit, Louis really was in denial.

But it’s just- he doesn’t know how to bridge that gap, from a friend who’s just overly affectionate to a friend who’s actively trying to woo you.

And he doesn’t know if he should, anyway, doesn’t know if it’s worth the risk. Louis’ never one to shy away from feelings, he’s never really been ashamed, but it’s more than just him that’s at risk with this.

Louis has a girlfriend, Zayn has a fucking fiancée, and it’s not like he’s not happy with Eleanor, it’s not like he doesn’t love her, it’s just that- somewhere along the way it stopped being _that_ kind of love. The kind he only feels for Zayn, now. And it seems unfair, to keep leading her on, but he just. He can’t give her up, not yet, because it’s going well, and he hates change and it might make him an asshole but he doesn’t think he’s ready to be single.

And he doesn't want to do this to Perrie, because regardless of his feelings about her she's always been supportive of their friendship, and he hates to thinkn that all the times she trusted him she probably shouldn't have.

His head’s a mess, and he can’t see straight for Zayn, wants to be with him all the time, always, and that should be answer enough but-

He doesn’t know how to fucking say it. He can’t just say he’s in love, he can’t just ask Zayn out, because he _can’t_ , because it’s more than that. He’s only ever had one serious relationship, and this isn’t- with Eleanor he just asked her, and she just said yes, but it didn’t feel like this at all.

He wants to ask Zayn out, sure, but he also wants to ask him to spend the rest of his life with him, to never be with anyone else, to move in with him and get more matching tattoos with him and do everything with him, and he doesn’t know how to put it all into words.

~

They’re in Louis’ flat, during a break, sprawled out on his couch. They’re watching The Notebook, because Zayn’s going through some stuff with Perrie, and this is how they deal. Like mature responsible adults.

It’s actually a tradition, of sorts- not The Notebook in particular, but any sappy film they can get their hands on, if they’re feeling shit enough. The Notebook is standard, obviously, especially since Louis found out two years back that Zayn had never seen it, which, what the fuck Zayn. It came from that night, after Louis found out in an interview, Zayn knocking on his hotel door with a copy of the dvd he must have picked up in the last two hours- as shameless as he’d always been. They’d watched it, and Zayn just shrugged, said he didn’t get what the fuss was about. Louis knows he teared up, though, he saw it. For someone who’s so emotionally intelligent, he has a hard time admitting that he gets invested in rom-com’s.  

He’s doing it again, acting like the story has no effect on him, and there are very few things that Louis finds funnier than Zayn trying to lie to him. Usually he’d call him out, probably, but he’s distracted tonight. By Zayn, of course, but also just by his niggling thoughts (which are about Zayn, so that’s him being distracted by Zayn through extension, right? he can just blame everything on Zayn).

Louis’ always had a hard time biting his tongue. It’s just not a skill he’d ever bothered to pick up, because, frankly, he didn’t want to keep things to himself. He wanted to be blunt and honest and open.

So it was a bit unnatural, having to keep these big feelings secret, especially from Zayn, who- up until now- he told everything to.

Luckily, whenever he did open his mouth to spill his feelings, nothing came out, because once again, how the fuck do you talk about something this big? Where would he even begin?

 It’s the same now, him having this strange feeling in his chest like he gets when he leaves the house but knows he left something important there. He doesn’t know what to do about it, so he doesn’t do anything, other than sit and watch Zayn. It might be creepy, sure, but sometimes Louis genuinely thinks he wouldn’t be able to stop himself if he tried.

He just wanted to tell him so bad, even if he knew what a terrible idea it was, especially now. They hadn’t talked about why Zayn showed up, but he guesses that when the film ends, Zayn will tell him about a fight he had with Perrie. That’s what he gathered from the garbled text message, anyway.

It was a scene with ally confronting Noah, and Louis could see how Zayn was getting into it, even if he’d never admit it.

_“Why didn't you write me? Why? It wasn't over for me, I waited for you for seven years. But now it's too late.”_

_“I wrote you 365 letters. I wrote you every day for a year.”_

“Why doesn’t anyone write _me_ letters?” Zayn says theatrically, like he’s wont to do when mocking these films. He’s already done it a few times already, increasingly specific lamentations, _“why won’t anyone lie in the middle of the road with me_?” to get Louis to laugh, and usually it works.

Now, Louis wonders if that’s part of the problem, if him and Perrie aren’t communicating properly, what with the touring and time differences and all.

He doesn’t mean to say it, means to play along with Zayn’s dramatics, but what comes out is- “I’ve written you about as many songs, I’d say.”

Zayn turns to him, eyes wide, and Louis wonders how he’s going to take it. It’s true, so true, and it’s possible that Zayn already knows it, to a certain extent, but having it said aloud still poses a risk. He thinks about Strong, and Through the Dark, thinks about Last First Kiss which he got to write on _with_ Zayn, and he doesn’t know how Zayn would take it if he knew they were about him. Then again, with him, he could just act like it wasn’t a big deal. They both tend to dismiss things as platonic, even when they’re really clearly not.

“Really?” he asks.

Louis shrugs, gives a quick smile. “Give or take, yeah.”

Zayn doesn’t say anything, but he’s smiling, slight and slightly disbelieving, before pulling Louis into his side, cuddling against him.

“Thanks, babe,” he says, soft and small and Louis thinks coming from anyone else that’d be an underwhelming statement but as always, he knows what Zayn means, knows how much deeper the sentiment runs.

And it’s not a confession, it’s not him actually explicitly stating his feelings, but it’s getting closer.

 _Baby steps_ , he tells himself. _Baby steps._

**Author's Note:**

> thank u for reading rip zouis week but long live zouis this was so much fun!


End file.
